God grant me the strength to make choices

A Wise Friend of mine once told me that life is all about choices. Sometimes we find ourselves saying, "But I don't have a choice." Like take for instance parents who say that phrase in relation to going out into the workforce as opposed to what they really want to do, which is stay at home with their kids. The argument could be that the extra income is needed to support the family. But you could choose to stay at home. You could cut back, move from your big house to an apartment, etc. But perhaps you value the big house and trips and well, food, so you make the choice to go to work.  Ok, so getting an illness is NOT a choice but how we deal with it...is. Some choices are certainly much harder to make than others and I think this all depends on your reality. Am I making sense here?

Well lately we are questioning our choices as a family. We are being taken advantage of and we feel boxed into our current situation, like we really don't have a choice as we do what we do and sacrifice what we sacrifice in the name of long-term security. But I have come to realize, thanks to thinking back on the philosophizing (made that word up i think) of Wise Friend, that we do have a choice. We can stand up for Us, what We want as a family and make a choice. We can choose to take back control over our lives and deal with the consequences, whatever they may be. Or we can choose the "easier" path, the one where we do nothing and wait with our fingers crossed. Where every day that goes by, a little bit of our patience, compassion, innocence and confidence is stripped away.

I can choose to say NO to continuing down a path I am not comfortable walking down. We can choose to demand respect. We can decide to pack up and leave this country tomorrow. We can. But every choice comes with its risks and rewards and each of those must be carefully weighed. But at the end of the day, it's simply a choice that you make. I think making the choice and as Wise Friend says, shouting it out to the Universe, is just as hard as dealing with the aftermath. Because if your choice is a difficult one to make, you likely already know the consequences and are mentally/physically preparing yourselves to deal with them. To summon the courage to say, "That's it. This is what we're doing. End of story," is as intimidating as it is liberating.

If you're now living out your latest choice and it's making you feel a combination of stressed, guilty, overworked, undervalued, bitter, resentful, angry, lonely, sad, confused, lost, little, weak, demeaned, lied to, etc. well, I bet it's time you made a different choice. And now I hear this verse in my head, an appropriate anthem really: "We're not gonna take it. No, we ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it, anymore."

ps. I just found out from hubby that the song lyrics I referenced are from a song by Twisted Sister. I NEVER would have guessed that in a million years. So, how cosmic do you think it is that the Wise Friend I'm referring to has a blog called, "Spiral Sisters" and that her post today prompted this essay?! Cue that weird music that plays when something is just plain freaky.

Halloween in Sweden: Showin' em' how it's done!

I am officially a heroine in my neighbourhood of young, hip Mommies. Just call me Martha Stewart.

Hubby and I decided on a whim that we were gonna throw a Halloween party for Little Man and the neighbourhood kiddies. I'll be honest: It was epic. Now if you were to transplant our Spooky Fest into Any Town, North America, it would have been mediocre at best. In fact there wasn't anything we did that hasn't already been done before...in North America that is.

You see here in Sweden, Halloween is a relatively new phenomenon, slowly growing in popularity over just the past 10 years or so. Pumpkin carvings a la cave man days, 30% of any given neighbourhood actually participating in trick or treating and the only costumes you'll find on the kiddies are of the scary variety.  No Buzz Lightyears to be found. And how about going trick or treating and receiving a handful of loose chips or 1 piece of candy? Now that's a fright.

So when we announced to the street that we were having a Halloween party, well everyone was excited to come and discover "what exactly do you do at a Halloween party"? I spent the week collecting Halloween-inspired recipes from family, friends and the Net and just when I thought I'd have to break out the construction paper and pipe cleaners, I discovered the new Toys R Us in town had a whole entire aisle of Halloween decor...woohooo!

Hubby is the creative one in the family so before you knew it, we had a poor, stuffed dude being crushed by Little Man's ride-on tractor, a front lawn full of tombstones, a floating witches hat and other spooky bits and bobs.

See for yourself!

We almost lost a few little party animals, however. You see, it took a few of them a good 15 minutes to make it to our door they were so scared, having never seen anything like this before. And then there were the activities. Nothing too inventive about cupcake decorating, bobbing for apples or sticking your hand in peeled grapes right? Wrong. "Jennifer, where did you come up with the idea to decorate "muffins"? "This is so creative." "I just got so much inspiration." Yes, my ego expanded to the size of a hot-air balloon. But I had to fess up, "We just do these things back home."

The one comment posted on facebook that sent me shuddering in terror, "You have just set the standard for all future Halloween parties." F-word. How the hell are we gonna outdo ourselves next year?!

Happy Halloween All! Love Marta Stewartsson, Buzz Lightyear (he was in costume for a record 10 minutes) and The King of Creativity, my hubby.

Now to work off the 2 kilos gained in the span of 5 days...Thank you birthday cake and Halloween candy! Oh, I almost forgot Hubby's handcarved, no stencils involved, pumpkins:

Birthday Love

My birthday unfolded just as I expected. At noon, I get a call from Little Man's school to tell me that his eyes are red, he's tired and is complaining that his "brain is broken". I rush over to pick him up, take one look at the pathetic little mess of tears and fatigue and with no fever, I'm worried. I rush him over to emergency, where, no word of a lie, I'm in and out in 30 minutes. Imagine THAT in North America...Kudos to the Swedish healthcare system on that one.

Check of his ears, nose, throat and a simple pinprick blood test and we're outta there with "It's just a virus." Thank God. But boy did I feel like a dolt. 30 minutes later and my son is back to normal. I figured out last night it was likely hayfever. dolt. But no girls over for cake as catching a virus was not on their to-do list.

And because I wanted to be around to field birthday calls, of which there were many and I'm so grateful, we made a quick trip to the mall for mall food and shopping for all the babies in my life. Came home to chocolate cake. And last night, we went out for sushi and topped the evening off with wine and a movie. Another birthday come and gone.

After returning home from the birthday trip to the ER, I noticed a bouquet of flowers all wrapped up on the kitchen table. They were sent from my dear friend in Russia. An unexpected surprise. I am humbled and grateful for my family and friends and that's the best thing about a birthday

.

34 Years on the Planet Tomorrow

Yup, it's the most wonderful time of the year....my birthday tomorrow! Waaaahoooo! I'm full of it. I'm really not that excited. I'm 34, not 19! A time for reflection? Most likely. But meh, I'll wait to do that when I hit 40. What would I like to do for my birthday? Let's see. How about a nice dinner out, expensive food and wine and maybe something sinful for dessert? Yes! What will I actually be doing?

Well hubby declared today that he and Little Man would be baking a cake in my honour. So of course that meant I had to look up the easiest chocolate cake recipe I could find online and then head out to the grocery store to try and decipher the Swedish equivalents for all the English things on my list. Like bittersweet chocolate is obviously NOT called that here, or anywhere near that. Instead there are all these percentages of cocoa in the chocolate. And I never bake. And think I could find Vanilla extract, like in liquid form in a bottle? Nope. But lots of powdered vanilla extracts. weird. And after spending exactly 20 mins in the baking aisle reading and rereading packages and moaning and asking complete strangers for advice (which is SUCH a no-no here), I simultaneously want to jump for joy and kick myself when I see CAKE MIX! Just add water and butter. SCORE!

Then I rush to a meeting and rush to pick up the Little Man and throw together an ultra fast supper and then proceed to translate the simple cake baking directions into English for my simpletons, get the ingredients and measuring utensils together and let the men make the cake themselves. What a production! They had fun, especially the licking of the beaters part, while I vacuumed. Because a birthday isn't a birthday without someone, or in this case, my friend and her 3 daughters and two cousins, coming over to eat said cake, which by now is burning in the oven. And because I don't have a maid (now there's what I should have asked for) and have to work tomorrow, ie. field birthday calls all day, I need to clean my house for my impromptu party.

Yes, the birthday calls. Let's run down the list shall we?
1. My brother, wife and new baby Audrey
2. My parents
3. Hubby's Mom, sis-in-law and family
4. Hubby's Dad and wife
5. BFF Jody
6. DFF Diana
7. DFF Connie
8. "Nanny" Tanja
9. Our oldest son
10. An assortment of friends around here
11. Facebook. There's over 300 messages right there. But I love those, don't you? Feeling the love from family, friends and friends you never should have friended.
12. Oh and maybe my Godparents and their whole gaggle
13. Co-workers

And since time zones vary, I will literally be on the phone most of the day while trying to tidy up for the Birthday Troupe arrival while checking email halfhazardly. And because when you're a Mom, your birthday is no longer about you. The cheesecake or white chocolate cake or ice cream cake (they don't have those awesome Dairy Queen cakes here) I crave will instead be replaced by a slightly burnt chocolate boxed cake made lovingly by my two sweethearts and decorated with an insane amount of sprinkles. And my birthday meal will be at McDonald's. I've already started ingesting carbs in anticipation. So the day after my birthday, I get to stare at a not-so-pretty number on the scale and maybe get a few pimples too.

So I am writing this post the day before my birthday because tomorrow, I will literally have no me-time. And although the sarcasm dripping from this post might lead you to believe I am complaining about the Fiasco that will be my birthday tomorrow, I'm not. I love birthday love, even if it means having to move the stack of papers cluttering the kitchen table and dining at the golden arches. Oh and I think Little Man might be coming down with something. So Happy Birthday to Me!

Heard from the House

Haven't been very active in the blogosphere lately. A little too much on the brain.

Little man's upstairs in bed. And I hear, "Daddy?" "Yes Little Man?" "I'm 4 years old. Not three years old. Four years old." "Ok, Little Man."

Since Daddy has been going into the office more frequently these days, he's picking Little Man up from school more frequently. On the odd occasion that he would pick him up before, I'd hear the annoying blast of our door buzzer around 4:20 and look through the fogged out window to see Little Red Man on tippy toes reaching for the blasted bell. I'd swing the door open wide to a smirking kid, "Mommy, I got a surprise for you! Taaadaaa!" And from behind his back, he'd produce a bouquet of flowers. Say it with me: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

This past Thursday, annoying door buzzer and beautiful flowers. A few days later, hubby had to go into the office again. Annoying door buzzer and beautiful flowers again. Problem was, the last bunch were still fresh! This was working out great before. Just when I was ready to throw out the flowers, a new bunch arrived. When I whispered this to hubby, he replied that driving home after their usual pit stop to pick up juice, Little Man exclaimed, "Daddy, we forgot Mommy's flowers!!" He tried in vain to explain that they had just got flowers a few days ago that were still good and Mommy didn't need flowers this time. There was no reasoning with him. The tears of a broken-hearted little man were enough for Daddy to pull into the nearest gas station. So "Taaadaa!", more flowers.

Lucky I was able to convince Little Man on our way home today that Daddy likes chocolate more than flowers. Not that I want to break this habit. I love that our Little Man enjoys the gift of giving.

I've crossed over to the dark side people. I am officially a Mac user. By force, not by choice. And I gotta say, it's growing on me.

Well time to strip down for some butt blasting and ab crunching. Happy Thursday!
xoxo

To my dearest little bro

I mean, I knew for the last 7 months or so it was coming but when I got the call at 5:30 this morning, it really hit me.

My little brother is a Daddy to a little girl.

And I'm just so emotional about it all, in the proudest big sister way possible.

Because I remember what it felt like when I became a Mom.

And because I have that photo of us, you: 3, me: 6 or 7, snuggling in a bed against a backdrop of floral wallpaper on Logan Street.

And because I know you. And it makes me laugh. I chuckle to think that my anal retentive, color-coordinated sock drawer, organized-to-a-fault, sleep-coveting baby brother is going to have his world turned upside down.

That this new world will be filled with power washing the poop of cloth diapers. Losing sleep even when his days-old daughter is fast asleep, just checking to make sure that she is, in fact, breathing. Stumbling outside at 4am to take his two terribly confused dogs for a pee. Doing Balki's dance for joy after she finally falls asleep after countless trips around the living room in the stroller. Falling in love with his wife all over again as she nurses the precious life you created together. Baby-proofing the baby-proofing. Hovering like a lunatic when anyone dares to pick her up. Policing the phone lines so as not to disturb his best girls while they're resting (and cursing whoever it is who dares to call).

And that's just the beginning.

And I have some advice for you dear brother of mine. Take noone's advice. Do what YOU feel is best. You will pour over "the books", you will drive yourself mad trying to weigh conflicting advice from well-meaning grandparents/siblings/friends on everything from how often to breastfeed, when/if to start sleep training, the colour of her poo, how to dress her for X weather, etc.

But in the end, you will do what's right for your daughter and your family. Every time. And I know this because I've been there and I know this because I know you.

And I love you. And I'm just so proud of both of you. And I can't wait to meet my niece and cuddle her and make silly faces at her and buy an overabundance of pink, frilly things and be her ONLY and most favouritest Auntie Jenny.

And that's just the beginning.

I love you already baby doll Audrey xo

My baby brother is a Daddy...

And it's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh how excited am I to run out and buy pink, frilly, bow-laden dresses and skirts and hats and...PINK!

8lbs 14 oz and delivered completely naturally on October 14th 7:48pm in Terrace, BC. No drugs. Quite the contrast to MY birthing experience. You name the drug, it was in my system and then? c-section. But it's the end result that matters. can't say that I'm not super impressed and proud of my sis-in-law and her coach though.

WE HAVE NO NAME YET! This is driving all of us bonkers. Will it be a classic name, a crunchy name, a nouveau name, a stupid name? ha! Time will tell. Hurry up clock.

The bottom line is this: I have a niece. She will be beautiful. I will love her to pieces and my baby brother is now a Daddy and I am so proud of him and his wife. They will make THE best parents. And now to wait an agonizing 10 months to meet her. Thank God for Skype. 

Welcome to the world Baby Girl and to a family who loves you. All my love, Auntie Jenn xo