People of Sweden: Please Pick up your Sh*t

Any dog owners out there? Any dog owners who pick up their dog's poop on a daily basis? What about those of you who don't and leave other dog owners to grumble about it? I see lots of virtual hands going up.

Luckily, in most urban cities in developed countries, popular walking paths have little poop stops and even free poop bags, making the smelly minefields of years gone by practically a thing of the past.

Practically...You see, there's a huge, growing stink here in Sweden. And it ain't comin' from our four-legged back archers. My friends, please take a few deep breaths while you let this stink sink in...

People of Sweden: Pick up your own poop. If you read that literally, you read that right. Apparently, walk just slightly off the beaten path here and you could quite easily step in the poop of "animals" that (supposedly) have been potty trained.

And as you sit there and shake your head at the screen in disbelief, you've automatically rationalized that "these poor homeless people..." WRONG.

(Cue Sesame Street tune) These are the people in your neighbourhood. The people that you meet when you're walking down the street. The people that you meet each day.

The guy whizzing by in his super awesome Nike jogging ensemble. The girl with the tight uh, abs,  her long blonde pony-tail bouncing in step with her jiggle. That's right folks.

These people are pooping all over Sweden.

These are likely the same people that stoop and scoop their dog's logs but apparently don't brown bag their own.

"Honey, please make sure you use the potty before we go." This no longer only applies to those under 5. If you live here, you know how fit Swedes are. You see them biking, jogging, running and cross-country skiing. It's in their DNA. And apparently that DNA is forming fertilizer as I type.

I'm obviously not saying every health nut in Sweden has a newspaper and a wet wipe at the ready for their daily 10k. But enough of them do that it's a problem, so much so that signs have actually been posted in a certain park to remind people to "mind the dogs (who are eating and rolling around in it) and to please pick up their poop." Irony?

I heard about this phenomena from an old friend of mine over dinner this weekend. Not the kind of dinner conversation one hopes to be engaged in. Running can have that affect on people. Ok, I get it. When you gotta go, you gotta go. But for the love of all that is "normal", at least bring a bag! He said there was an article. He said he would send it to me. I'm waiting for it. When I get it, I will update this post. I could have waited. No, this was too juicy, to unbelievable to keep to myself.

Until then, the proof is in the pooping. And please, People of Sweden: Pick up your Sh*t. And People from countries where pooping is confined to porcelain, you're welcome for the public service announcement.

ps. If you know about this, please comment. I'm still in a state of disbelief until I get the brown envelope.

Public Service Announcement: NEVER GIVE THE FINGER!

Driving home from a lovely Fall afternoon feeding the ducks and hitting the library with the little man. Someone cut me off so I was forced to go up a street reserved for buses and taxis only. What i was doing was illegal. A man driving a white truck/van coming in the opposite direction started to gesture wildly at me, shaking his finger and likely screaming through is windshield.

In the interest of descriptive purposes, the man was of Arab decent. His little boy was sitting in the seat next to him. I thought: You fker. And I gave him the finger, made my left turn and proceeded to drive. Glancing back in my rearview mirror I noticed the man pull a fast U-turn and come speeding up behind me, inches from rear-ending me. Uh-Oh. He was right on my tail. He then proceeded to pull another illegal maneover, passed me and stopped his truck dead in my tracks. Now I had moved from irritation to fear. I went up over the sidewalk and into a parking lot. He hopped out of his truck and proceeded to come barrelling towards me on foot. I put the window down a crack just enough to yell out, "If you don't stop following me, I will call the police." I noticed him taking down my license plate and running back to his car.

I proceeded to drive and sure enough, he was on my tail again. Following closely and menacingly. No matter where I turned, he was right there waiting/daring me to stop. I was close to our friends' very big house wherein her very big and intimidating husband resides. As I pulled into the driveway and my pursuer pulled next to the curb, I called and told her to send her husband out immediately as I was being harassed. As he came out, I briefly explained what had happened and ran in with my son.

When he came back inside, he told me the man was upset because I gave him the finger in front of his child and had made a traffic violation. My friend said he told the man that didn't make it ok to harrass me.
So I guess it was ok for said man to scream like a raving lunatic at my mistake and then proceed to make countless traffic violations of his own and chase me down like a mad man in front of his son.

I am still shaking, wondering what a man who had just made numerous traffic violations himself, needs with my license plate. I can't imagine he would be calling the cops as he would get in just as much trouble. In my fear-striken and panicked state, I did not get his license plate number. I regret this.

One could assume that this man, after being disrespected by a woman, wanted to teach his son a lesson. Or perhaps he was having a really bad day and I was the icing on the cake.

I know one thing for sure, I will never again in my life give the finger to a stranger, no matter how justified I feel in doing so. You never know what kind of crazy people are capable of. And now, for a short while at least, I will leave in fear.

Rain, Rain and Rude..Get the f outta here...

Or...Go Away...but I prefer to REALLY tell it off. Stupid me, forgot to take in the big blanket from the clothesline last night and it must weigh at least 20 kilos now, drip drying in the rain.

We had a playdate today, little man and me. A cute little boy about a year younger than mine. I was flabergasted to see the Mom show up with flowers for me and some candies for the kiddies. Though Swedes are notorious for bringing flowers when they're invited somewhere, I didn't think a playdate counted. Better revise my "Etiquette according to Jenn" list. I'm so easily touched by the smallest gesture of thoughtfulness.

And that to me is what Etiquette really boils down to. Since you asked, here's my list, well a portion of it.Feel free to follow, ignore or give it the finger. My blog. My list (sticks tongue out).

1. Never, EVER under any circumstances show up to someone's home for dinner without a "gift".
What could this gift be? Well I defer to culture/country. For example, in Sweden, flowers are most appropriate. In Russia, flowers must be given in odd numbers and there are a few varieties to stay away from. In Spain, you also bring small gifts for any kids. Whether's it's a nice bunch of flowers, a bottle of wine, a box of chocolate, a handmade something or other, or a nice gift for the home, never show up empty-handed.

You can even look at it this way: It's a meal you didn't have to prepare/purchase, It's a house you didn't have to spend all day scrubbing and tidying, loads of dishes and clean up you don't need to worry about. So, why not show some thanks/appreciation? Trust me, unless your hosts are serving spaghetti with store bought sauce, your gift will cost you way less than the meal.
Exception to Rule#1: You're homeless or destitute.

2. Never, EVER show up to stay overnight at someone's home without a "gift". The value of said gift should increase with the number of nights you plan to stay. Staying for a week or heaven-forbid, more than that? Carve out some time to treat your hosts to a dinner out. You can be sure they have prepared for your arrival, have adjusted schedules, etc. You are, in fact, "putting them out". You are, in fact, saving loads of money on a hotel, meals, etc. I'm sorry but the pleasure of your company is NOT gift enough. Help out with dishes, keep your living quarters clean, etc. Do not expect to be waited on hand and foot. I think anything after 3 days, you cross over from guest to flatmate.
Exception to Rule #2: You're homeless, destitute, need some kind of "saving".
Soft Exception to Rule #2: Family. But be careful here. It's not necessarily an exception. Family should still be treated with the same level of respect as friends.

So those are the most basic Etiquette According to Jenn rules. How about a little test...

Please read through the following scenario:

You get a call from an old friend who is going through a divorce. She is actually divorcing your husband's best friend. Though you were ALL friends for a few years, the primary friendship is between your husband and her ex. This friend tells you she is going on a world tour and would like to stop by your country and stay with you and your family for over 10 days. You remember she is a vegetarian and make sure your fridge and cupboards are stocked with veggie-friendly food.

She arrives for her 10-day stay. And what does she bring you and your family? Does dirty laundry count? You drive and pick her up from bus stops and train stations on countless occasions and even take a bit of time off to ensure she gets a feel for the place. You and your family drive her into the big city for a tour. You stop for lunch. She orders a couple of beer. You and your hubby order soda. The minute the waiter arrives with the bill, she excuses herself to use the washroom. You pay the bill. She reappears, ready to hit the streets. She doesn't ask about the bill. She doesn't offer to pay. She manages to find a few gifts for herself in some nice boutiques.

Your realize you are out of wine. The lush has pounded back a bottle a night over the past several nights. You head into the liquor store, with her in tow. You pick a bottle and a box and she says, "Oh, I can pay for that bottle." You pay for the box.

You are going out for groceries, for the upteenth time since her arrival. You ask her if she would like to come along, in case there's anything she needs. You pick out the five items you need. She picks out her five. You arrive at the cash. You put your stuff down. She puts hers down but remembers she'd like some ice cream. She goes to get it. She comes back. You begin to pull out your card. She stands there motionless. You grab the plastic grocery separator thing and slam it down (a little too forcefully) at the end of your stuff. She is now obliged to take out her card. It was clear she wouldn't have.

She leaves for 3 days to visit a friend in another part of the country. She is coming back on your birthday and she knows that you'll be going out with a few friends that night to celebrate. She arrives with birthday hugs and shows you the nice things she bought for herself. You order the taxi. You pay for the taxi. Your friends pass you your birthday gifts. They're lovely. You thank them. Half an hour later she says, "X, I didn't get you a birthday present." (oh really? I hadn't noticed!) You state, flatly: "Oh. Don't worry about it." Another half hour goes by, "I feel bad that I didn't get you a birthday present." You say in the same expressionless montone, "Don't worry about it." It's the end of the night and it's time to pay the bill. Your other friends had ordered a bit of food. She didn't. Your friends say, "It's on us X. It's your birthday." She says, "Oh...uhmmm...yeah, how much do I owe? Oh, let me help to pay for this, after all it's X's birthday!" Then she really gets going, "Oh and X, don't even try to take out your wallet, it's on US...Just take the food off my portion." Another family friend who just happened to be there swoops in and covers the entire bill. Your guest didn't have to pay for anything.

She offers to split the taxi ride home.She is packing up to leave a few days later. She comes to you and says, "I don't have enough room in my suitcase for this (ratty, old, gray) sweater. I was going to get rid of it anyway but I thought maybe you would like to have it." She also hands you a small notebook that she points out was a gift to her from a friend but she has no use for it and it's taking up room in her carefully packed bag.

You take her to the airport, a 40-minute drive away.
If, after reading this scenario, you don't want to kick guest in the ass to knock her out of the car and onto the curb while simultaneously hurling her precious rucksack at her head, all while the vehicle is still moving, you FAIL this test.

a) In 200 words or less, please explain the error of the guest's ways according to Jenn's Rules of Etiquette.
b) Assuming the host was hurt and insulted by the guest's behaviour, should the host have expressed her feelings to the guest? And if so, how?

Modern Day Manners

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. ~Emily Post

We are soon headed back home to Canada to sleep on my sister-in-law's couch and join a household comprising two dogs, a teen, parents, a grandma and now, an aunt. It's crazy but we're really looking forward to it!

Even when staying with family, we never take for granted that we are in fact interrupting their lives and their home with our jolly presence. We always:
1. Bring gifts
2. Pay for groceries and booze
3. Keep the den we take over for 3 weeks as clean and tidy as possible.
4. Help with the housework
5. Fill up the car we borrow with gas
6. Treat them to a meal "out"
7. Leave money for long-distance phone calls or other expenses incurred during our stay.

Does this cost us money? Of course it does but imagine the costs if we were to stay at a hotel for that long a period of time. And even though we try to pitch in more than our share, it costs them as well. It costs them in water, electricity, gas, car wear and tear, inconvenience, time, toilet paper, and the list goes on...

Maybe you say, "Family is family. You shouldn't keep a running tab." But it's not about who pays for what at the end of the day. It's about respect. Respect for each of them and self-respect. When you notice your guests are not reciprocating, it makes everyone feel bad. And we're all supposed to be having a good time together as a family.

In my humble and well-mannered opinion and based on some recent research into the subject, I have come to the conclusion that these are the minimum obligations of a guest:
1. ALWAYS bring a host/hostess gift. Bottle of wine, flowers, chocolate, etc. Does it have to be expensive? Absolutely NOT. It's the thought that counts.
2. ALWAYS offer to help around the house, with dinner, etc.
3. ALWAYS offer to pay for gas if your host/hostess is shuttling you around.
4. Depending on your length of stay, ALWAYS offer to take your host/hostess out to a meal/for coffee to show your appreciation. If you can't afford it, you shouldn't be staying to begin with.
5. ALWAYS send a thank-you. It could very well be a thank-you email. But a personal note that expresses your appreciation is what's needed, no matter the form.
6. ALWAYS keep your living quarters tidy and clean.
7. Depending on your length of stay, ALWAYS offer to pay for groceries or just go out and buy some if you see your hosts are running low.

And before you ask, "No, the pleasure of your company is NOT gift enough."

This is a very sensitive and sore subject for me because hubby and I are usually on the receiving end of company. As many times as I can recall feeling awful due to ill-mannered guests, I choose right now to focus on the positive and name some guests who truly left an impression on me:
1. A friend would stop by on warm summer days to sit by our pool, a box of freshly-baked canollis in hand.
2. A different friend would stop under the same circumstances and bring booze and sushi for everyone.
3. My dear 21-year old cousin, a student on a tight budget backpacking through Europe, showed up with chocolates for us and a bottle of wine as a gift for my birthday. I almost cried.
4. My maid-of-honour who never forgets a hostess gift or misses a chance to help out.
5. A friend who brings beautiful flowers everytime she comes for dinner.
6. A mother-in-law on a fixed income who pitches in generously and spoils our children incesssantly.
7. So many friends and acquaintances back home in Montenegro who would turn down an invitation if they could not afford to buy a host/ess gift. These are people who have so little money compared to us "rich" North Americans.

To be frank, it took me a few years to understand etiquette and its impact. I was not raised in a barn but I started living the life of a "Woman" at a young age. I was entertaining and being entertained by "important" people at the age of 20. I was naive and ignorant in those times (not that it's all bad mind you as you're sorta suppose to be naive and ignorant at 20..ha!) But I did learn quickly after some major stumbles.

I'd like to point out that I realize etiquette rules can vary from culture to culture. Apparently farting after a meal in Asia is considered a compliment to the host...bahahahahaha. I think the universal truth is this: Be thoughtful and be respectful and if you are entering a culture different from your own, do yourself and your hosts a favour and please take a few moments to read up on local etiquette.