Saturday, November 7, 2009

Moving Sucks

For so many reasons really. I mean there's the usual crap associated with any move.
1. Boxes: finding them, begging for them, buying them, never having enough
2. Thinking you really don't have all that much and it shouldn't take all that long. Then discovering you have triple what you thought you had and it takes you twice as long as you thought it would.
3. Shaking your head at the junk you accumulate in such a short period of time. I mean, who needs 3 balls of string? How many more shish kabob sticks are there in this drawer? I should have gotten rid of A, B and C years ago. How did this useless gadget make it through the last move?
4. Realizing at the last minute that things would have been sooo much easier had you decluttered PRIOR to the actual packing.
5. Finding a new place to live. That part is sucking hard right now.

In the past three years we've moved to two different countries, neither of which is an English-speaking country. So on top of all the general boxing up our lives crap, we have all these cultural adjustments to make. In Montenegro, it took me weeks to figure out exactly where and how to pay my bills (at the post office, through a very mean old lady who refused to even attempt to communicate with me). In Sweden, it's back to online banking, all in Swedish, and with the added security of this little doohickey that you have to type codes into in order to access codes to input into the computer in order to login, pay and confirm bills. It sucks.

But eventually, we get the hang of it and it's never as big a deal as it is the first few weeks.

The suckiest part about yet ANOTHER move (same country, same city this time at least), is having to explain away another upheaval in our three year old's life. In less than a year, he has lost his nanny and the 2nd language he was learning, moved, started daycare, had to go to a new daycare in the summer and started a new daycare in the fall. Just when he's finally seemingly adjusted and blossoming (turning into quite the little Swede), here we go again...

But our little man is a real trooper I tell ya. My hope is that all of these life-shaping experiences in his youngest years are building up his little character so change is never a frightening thing. As you can probably tell, it is for his Mommy.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

You know you've become a Bigger girl when...

I wrote this for my BFF. We're dieting together to lose those stubborn last 10lbs. Maybe some of you can relate :-). Our definition of a Bigger Girl: One who has to lose about 10lbs..ha! Caution: This is all in good fun.

You Know You've Become a "Bigger Girl" when...

1. You have gone the longest you ever have gone before washing a pair of of jeans. Because you just know when they're clean, you will need to exert every muscle in your body to pull them on. But hey, that's good exercise!

2. You read every single Nutritional Values label on every thing you're about to consume. You're either checking for fat, carbs or both. Then you promise yourself you'll only have 1. But you have 3 and live with the guilt.

3. You dread opening your closet in the morning because you just know your skinny jeans will be staring back at you. And every morning, you vow that in X weeks, months, you will fit into those skinny jeans again, even when they're clean.

4. You suddenly hate shopping for clothes. But you're down to like 2 pairs of fat jeans (that are almost turning into skinny jeans) and your co-workers are remarking, "You know Jane, I just love those jeans everytime you wear them."

5. On said shopping trip, you rationalize that you will indeed buy a pair of jeans that fit. You can always give them away after you lose the weight, you say to yourself. You walk out of the store with the trendiest $100 pair of your old size. You vow to fit into them in X weeks, months and will brave the muffin top until such time.

6. The phrase, "Give me 5 minutes, I'm just gonna throw on a pair of jeans" becomes, "I'll meet you in the car".

7. "Who the fk stole all my clothes?" Noone stole your clothes bitch. You just can't find anything that fits.

8. You become a magician in the art of sitting at staff meetings. Legs crossed to minimize thigh spread, check. Back straight to camouflage back fat, check. Notebook placed strategically to mask belly flab, check. Elbows out to reduce appearance of Oprah arms, check.

9. Your date night with your partner is over before it starts. Instead of sipping fruity drinks in the latest hotspot, you're slumped over defeated in a pile of clothes crying that either a) nothing fits or b) I have nothing to wear.

10. You promise yourself that you will not stray from whatever fad diet it is you're on at the party. That's right. You are there to satisfy your craving for intellectually-stimulating conversation, not the gooey goodness of the nacho dip. You manage to avoid the snack table for the longest time by pounding back the liquor. Now you're drunk and double dipping.

11. Your shopping buddy now says, "That looks great on should buy 3 in different colours", instead of, "You look awesome. Let's check out the spandex".

12. You wonder why your Mom hasn't stopped by with her homemade fudge in the past two weeks. Your question is answered at Sunday Family Dinner when, as you absent-mindedly reach for seconds, your Mom sweetly inquires, "You're really not that hungry are you dear?"

13. You dread running into people you haven't seen in X weeks/months. "Jane! (furtive up and down glance) You look great!" Seriously, who the fk says that? You know what they really mean, "Jane! You used to be so thin and I used to be so jealous. But look who's having the last laugh now fat ass?"

14. You miss the wild sex. Sex with the lights on or even dimmed. Sex in every kama sutra position imaginable. Sauntering around the house in all your nude glory. Now you might as well be living in the Victorian Era, laying fully clothed and covered with a sheet that has a hole in it.

15. You used to think of sex as a great form of exercise. Now sex has become an exercise in ensuring your partner doesn't mistakenly grab a love handle, feel your round belly or catch a glimpse of your cellulite.

16. You constantly come up with clever and inspired excuses to eat that chocolate bar/buttered popcorn/bag of chips/litre of ice cream, Big Mac, Halloween candy. "My boss was mean today, It's my/my sister's/my best friend who lives halfway around the world's birthday today, I hate stubbing my toe, My dog shat on the carpet, My partner was late for dinner, Watching a movie without chips is a sin, I can eat this because tomorrow I will do 20 sit-ups."

17. Every time you consume a forbidden food, or way too much of a good food, you say with conviction, "I'll start my diet tomorrow. That's it. Tomorrow I'm getting serious!"

18. You and your best friend, also a Bigger Girl, make a solemn oath to lose X pounds by X date. You take before and after photos, you record your lost/gained pounds, you disclose when you cheated, you even send each other supportive emails with tips. You think a little healthy competition will get you both healthy again. So far, you've stayed the same and your friend gained back the 4 pounds she lost. But you promise yourselves you will SUCCEED.

18. Your Dad remarks loudly and with great surprise, like he just made some earth-shattering scientific discovery, "Geez Girl, you're gettin' BIG!!!"

Sunday, November 1, 2009

It's been awhile

Dang it...I can't believe I haven't blogged in 2 whole weeks. Well, I had an excuse...a guest for 10 or so days, then hubby got ill (worse than a child a man is when he's sick I tell ya), Halloween and general life issues.

Now I'm back and for the life of me, have no idea what to rant about. Actually, I have a really hot topic boiling just beneath my fingers right now. But because it's about a particular person and this person would likely know it if she read it and it wouldn't be a flattering portrayal of her and I can't remember if she has my blog address or not, I have to let my fingers blister..for awhile anyway. And when I feel it's safe...a hot mess of lava will flow, I'll tell ya that readers (all 6 of you? ha!).

But that's when I blog...when there's some pent up passion that needs release. It could be a mundane topic, oh like that post on the kitchen utensil that picks up peelings, or a tribute to motherhood. The passion could happen 3x/week or twice a day. I never really know until I'm wandering down the street and it hits.

Just a sec..gotta run up a coffee to the Mr. Ok, I'm back. Not that you noticed I was gone. But I did. And I wanted to be polite and excuse myself.

Because I have no grand theme for today's one-sided discussion, ere's a recap of events of late:
1. We're moving...again. Landlord has decided to sell and we have to be out mid-January. Anyone know of a decently-priced 3-bedroom for rent in Uppsala? Prices have gone up twice what they were this time last year, which sucks.
2. We're going home for Christmas. Home being to Ontario to spend the holidays with hubby's fam. My folks will fly to Ottawa to meet us for a few days with some extended fam there. I'm thrilled!
3. My not-so-little-anymore cousin came to visit for 2.5 days. Currently studying in France, she decided to travel a little during her school break. This 20-year old student not only was thoughtful enough to bring us a hospitality gift but even got me a birthday present. I was touched because a) she's family b) she's young enough to have no manners or concept of hospitality and c) the poor thing is a starving student for crying out loud (starving in the eats-pasta-everyday-cuz-it's-cheap sense) It was great getting to know her over shots of Limoncello and rum..urghhh...
4. My birthday was on the 28th! Happy Birthday to ME! Went out with an old friend from here and her cousin, who also happens to be my Swedish teacher. Kinda sad that I've been here for over a year and have no new friends :-(. But that's Sweden for ya! And I was as happy as a clam to get out alone for the first time in God knows when with some dear friends.
5. Halloween in Sweden. They're really just starting to celebrate it here. We had a total of 16 kids come a knockin' and we dressed the little guy up as an elephant so hubby took him around, "Tick or Tweet". A testament to how safe these Swedes feel: Imagine opening up your bag of candy to find ONLY unwrapped loose candies? My Dad, self-appointed candy checker in our household, would've thrown it all out. We did too actually but that's only cuz we had so much darn candy leftover ourselves. Speaking of which, I got rid of the temptation by dropping it off to old friend's daughters today..phewf.
Well I think that's it for now. I know, kinda "meh" today. Hope there aren't prospective readers stopping by right now. If there are, please don't judge me on this pathetic excuse for a post. I'm a better blogger than this, honest!