Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Forgiveness

Today I did something I've been wanting to do for 11 years but never had the courage, maturity or strength to do before now.

I apologized to an old friend.

This friend was an angel to me 11 years ago but I deceived her. I lied to her. The latter part of our friendship was in fact, shrouded in deceit. It ended with a phone call. She had found me out. And in that moment, I continued to lie to her. Her anger and tears were asphyxiating. Then, I just wanted her, and her very real accusations to go away.

Today I found her blog. Sure, over the years I would Google her every now and then to see if I could find out how she was doing. And today, I Googled her again. I found out that she's still the same beautiful and selfless person I remember her to be. I struggled. I composed an email. I struggled some more and then, I pressed "Send".

I have no idea how she will react or if she will ever write back. But today I needed to say I was sorry. I am asking for her forgiveness.

I have few regrets in life but what happened with her, or should I say, what I did to her, is one of them.

So now, I wait impatiently for a reply. But perhaps I will wait patiently. She has no reason to give me the time of day. But I have every reason to finally, after 11 years, apologize to her without expecting anything in return.

4 comments:

H F W said...

Oh, Jenn, it must have been hard for you to send that e-mail after so long because the longer the harder it is so often.
I hope she responds for the sake of both of you. I hope she forgives. It's hard to forgive, but it's worth it to both people.

septembermom said...

That must have been tough for you. I admire your strength and humility. I hope that she sees the bigger picture and replies to you with kindness. With time, things often get better. Hugs.

SwedishJenn said...

Hi ladies and thanks. Though it's been a whole day and nothing yet. Though I am 5 hours ahead of her...I can't imagine how shocked she must be if she did receive the mail so this could very well take awhile and maybe even not at all. But that's ok. I did what I should have done a very long time ago.

Tod said...

Good for you! for me though it ain't hard at all to apologize, if i had done something that i shouldn't have :)