Sunday, April 1, 2012

Coming or Going

Life hasn't been easy peasy these days. Thoughts of where we'll be come July 1st are dragging down each day, a wet blanket dripping on any rays of sunshine.

Over the past 6 years, we've called seven different houses 'home' and I'm growing so tired. Fatigued from the packing and unpacking, the organizing, the chaos, the house-hunting, the not-knowing. But most of all, I'm just so fed up watching my poor husband slave away for a minimum of 12 hours each day with little light at the end of the tunnel and no appreciation from anyone but me. I want to scream out about how unfair it all is. And I'm also paralyzed as I don't know how to begin to 'fix it'.

So I sit and brood or occupy myself with mindless activities and do what I've done for the past 6 years, wait. And I know it's not productive and I know it's only increasing my frustration but I really don't know what to do. Though I do know what I want. And that's for my husband's hard work, passion and devotion to provide him the freedom he so rightly deserves.

Everyday that goes by, we inch closer and closer to being forced to make a decision. Do we stay or do we move back to Canada? Though I have to admit, life in Sweden has grown on me these past three years, we've been overseas for six years and our extended family is back home in Canada. And we need each other.

Thank God for the Forever Rainbow that is our wonderful Little Man, who excitedly called out to his father today, "Daddy, look in the backyard. There's an onion! Just joking. April Fool's!"


Monica said...

i don't have anything useful to add to our ongoing chats. but just here to let you know i hear you, i understand.

i guess i hope courage for you both - to keep going, or to know when to let go if that's what the gut says.

SwedishJenn said...

That's exactly what I needed to hear Mon. Understanding and solidarity. Thanks friend :-)

Den said...

Hey you. RSS feed to you is not on all 'pooters in our house it seems so have only just seen this post.

Feeling your pain hun. What tough times and hard decisions... if you leave now, will all that time & effort be for nowt? (No, btw - every experience enriches us somehow even if we don't know it at the time... and that includes your important role of waiting, supporting from the sidelines) But if you stay, far from friends & family hanging onto a dream that may never be, what will that do to you all...?

The only wisdom I can offer is to follow your heart. Do what feels really right... The tough bit here is that what feels really right may be different for both of you & if little man could articulate his deep desires too, his take may be different again.

No easy answers my dear. But if it's any consolation what you've all 3 achieved already in the past few up-and-down years is incredible. And no-one can take that away.

Hugs to you all

The Introverted Art said...

What a beautiful smile your boy has. He is a cutie!

Michelle said...

Sadly, I am just reading this today. I've been so engrossed in all things soccer and end of school year related that I haven't even thought about blogging in...well far too long.

I do know by now though that decisions have been made and you all are Canada bound in a matter of weeks. How lucky we are in Canada to have you and your family back! The adventure continues for you all, on home turf this time and just thinking of all the family gatherings, the holidays, the support you have to look forward to makes my heart happy for you.

And selfishly, of course, I hope to get to spend some time with you and your wonderful family as well!

All the best in your big move and all that follows, xo

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