Saturday, June 26, 2010

Dissapointed in the DITCH

Yesterday was the highlight of the Swedish Calendar Year, Midsummer Eve. We were invited to spend it with the same friends we partied with just a week ago. Remember that 40th birthday party where I found my long lost porcelain BFF? Well the tables have turned folks.

A few families gathered with their kiddies to begin the drunk fest, feasting on traditional Swedish fare: Pickled Herring, Johnsson's Delight (a potato casserole to DIE FOR), hard bread, meatballs, little cocktail weiners and a host of carb-filled delights. And that was just lunch. Oh and in between mouthfuls of goodness, you flush it down with schnapps. I can't count the variety of alcoholic beverages I consumed between the hours of 12:30 and 9:30pm. And then the troupe of us intoxicates (new word alert) proceeded to walk/bike/stumble through the woods with kids in tow to the local May Pole to continue the party with the entire neighbourhood. 45 minutes later, we all arrived with mandatory cooler of assorted alcohol, coffee and cake.

Now I don't know who believes it's a good idea to hike while drunk. But I do know who believed it was a fantabulous idea to ride a bicycle after drinking at least 5 little bottles of schnapps with a few cans of beer (after having NOT ridden a bicycle in well over 30 years), while FILMING and chatting to passer-bys. I remarked to a friend after this idiot almost ran me over, "Now THAT is an accident waiting to happen." 5,4,3,2,1...
A scream followed by...
Bicycle with the father of our children in the ditch. Laughter mixed with shock followed by a quick sprint up to the site of the devastation to watch my stumbling man proceed to rise up and brush himself off. Taking stock, we quickly observed his white pants turn crimson. Investigation showed some severe knee scrapage bordering on stitches. Moms are not-so-surprisingly inventive and we proceeded to tie together baby wipes as a makeshit turniquet bandage. Despite the knee carnage, the source of the pain actually emanated from his arm where some horrible stinging weed had taken hold and was burning his skin. Yup, he managed to fall not-so-gracefully into a killer bush whose leaves are known to burn.

His excuse was a dead bird on the trail. "But there was a DEAD BIRD!" How about drinking and bicycling and videoing all at the same time?

Scarred but slightly sobered hubby rejoined the gang and was punished by being forced to walk another few kilometers to the site. Our brigade arrived just as the music and festivities stopped. All that for almost nothing. He moaned on endlessly: "Where are the pole dancers? You promised me POLE DANCERS!" We ate cake, we drank some more and we eventually got back up to make the long trek back.

Ahhhh....sweet justice. What goes around, come around. Now it was my turn to play DISSAPOINTED spouse. Though my version is a lot less nasty as I changed his dressing and took great pleasure in squeezing half a bottle of peroxide on the wound.

We ate more, we drank more and by 9 is was time to go. I was a little fuzzy headed but otherwise not anywhere near my state from the last weekend. After all, I am a Mom first...ha! And Dad was in bed and snoring by 10:30 as I updated my facebook status and surfed soberly before calling it a day.

Did I fail to mention there is a first-person video to go along with this story? A gift from me to you. Happy Midsummer:


Mon said...

oh Mr SwedishJenn!!! way to go
hadn't realised you were talking about him at first.

what a day. :D
the food sounds horrid. except for the potato casserole, maybe.

Mon said...

wish i could view the clip :(

Michelle said...


I can't stop laughing, and I have yet to view the video (that is coming very soon, I promise!)

These stories of yours paint very happy pictures for me, memories you will share for years to come and fodder for many, many future jokes and ribbing. They also make me feel like we are perhaps a little more "normal" than we thought and that is always a good thing!

Teehee, thanks for sharing!!

SwedishJenn said...

Mon: Why can't you view the clip? No worries, check Facebook :-).
Michelle: Yup, these are memories to uhmmm "cherish" for years to come...ha!

Anonymous said...

haha awesome clipp when i saw the thre bicycles in the end i tought they are going slow this will go baad.. and baam down he went..

septembermom said...

This has the making for a great sit-com! Sounds like you enjoyed jumping into the disappointed spouse role. LOL.

Rebecca said...

lol....that video is priceless.