Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A cry for help: When two worlds smash together

The word is "collide" but that word sooooo ain't strong enough for this cataclysmic event. Kinda like, I would like to use the F-word right now to really cement the severity of this situation but instead, I'll just say: I'm screwed.

F-WORD!!!!!

So remember my new neighbour friend? The one I blogged about? The peppy Swedish blonde that I was dying to snag as a friend? I think I might have used the word "prey". Oh God...

Well we're on one of our, as hubby terms them, "Suicide Walks", the other night and as usual, I'm clearly showing signs of distress and as usual she looks over with concern, "Are you ok Jenn?" And my usual response, "I'll live." She's a killer. Meaning she will either a) Kill me or b) Beat me into shape. Anyway, I'm reminiscing in my mind and idiotly (new word, you're welcome) blurt out: "Yeah, I've been writing about these torture session On. My. Blog." And the instant it came out I wanted to trap those flying words and stuff them back into my pie hole.

F-Word.

"Oh, you'll have to send it to me!"
"Uh...yeah."
"What do you write about?"
(I wrote a post about you, actually a few of them. Though they clearly don't paint you in an embarassing light, they'll make me look just a tad desperate, needy and maybe stalkery? >>new word alert) "You know, about Sweden and urhmmmm...stuff."
"Oh I should check to see if you wrote about me." She jokes.
But it's not funny. "Uhhh...yeah..(insert stilted laughter)."

Meh...I didn't take it seriously. She's probably just being her sweet self. She won't remember. Worst case scenario, I can hold her off. I'll think of something.

And then last night.
Suicide walk. Chatting.
"Hey, you didn't send me your blog yet!"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!This.is.so.not.happening.right.now." Quick, think fast Jenn:
"No, I didn't..." I said this matter-of-factly and let the last word trail. C'mon Jenn! You could've done better than that. Nope, I let it fall flat.

Now I've really gone and done it. Now she thinks I don't want to send her my blog and now she's probably wondering why and probably, definitely thinking I wrote something nasty about her.

F-Word.

Here are my options, as I see them:
a) Send her the link and pray she doesn't scroll down to read THAT POST or THIS ONE!
b) Send her THAT POST with a funny little note, "Ok, you can read my blog but better read this first". Full disclosure right? Show her my warts and hope she doesn't lock her front door and pull her blinds when she sees me walking towards her house. Will she get my humour? Remember, there is a cultural barrier here, though not that high cuz she's worked with us Americanites.
c) Delete THAT POST and THIS POST and send her the link.
d) Keep ignoring her.
e)"Damn that blogspot. Can you believe they lost my blog? I'm suing!"

Let's put this collision course into perspective. It's like having an STD right? No, I DO NOT have an STD. But say you did. You've found your soulmate. It's love at first sight. But you just KNOW you have to tell her the ugly truth about what's going on "down there". Ok, bad parallel. But maybe not.

Ok, so here's the thing. You guys know me! We have our own little private club, you guys and me. I can tell you stuff. You can tell me stuff. But it's like the sign on the clubhouse, only instead of it reading, "No Boys Allowed" it says, "No Real People Allowed", or "No People I Write About Without Them Knowing About It Allowed"

F-Word.

And now there's a girl at the door and she wants in. And this is the kind of girl all the boys would want to let in (and girls too!) but she could discover the porn collection hidden under the old filthy mattress.

I am soooo screwed. Help me (uttered in the same voice I utter "I'll live." in, which I won't).

14 comments:

Mon said...

eeek! lol

i would tell her it's just a family blog (your family), to keep them updated while you're in different countries, totally dull... that sort of thing.

SwedishJenn said...

But I already stupidly told her I would send it to her! Fact is, she could be reading this soon, depending on which option I select. Thanks for keeping it real Mon. Hey! Think I could start a fake blog, you know, keep her off the scent?

Fem maanader i Göteborg said...

Oooh I understand your distress! I remember having complained a few times about some silly things and thinking, hmm, well, I would not like X or Y to read it. Even if it could have been possible.

I really try hard to figure what you should do, well probably less hard than you, but I feel your distress!

Maybe you should be very sincere with her, apoligize and say "yah I know I told you I give you my blog address, but the thing is, I'm really too shy to give it to anyone I know in real life, crazy as it may sound."

I hope you'll find a solution. Hopefully in a few years from now you'll laugh about it with her, since she'll be a very great friends of yours at that time. As for now, your articles about her aren't that bad for you. If she reads them any time soon, it could be a good opportunity to talk with her about your expat feeling. And she'll probably feel you're definitely not a stalker ! She may even be flattered by your wanting to be her friend.

Well, this was long and not even efficient, but I wish you luck, and if you're stressed, just "fika", that helps ;o)

Mazui said...

Just give her the link. This post will probably be good to prepare her for what comes further down.


(That is my honest advice, now do the opposite and you should be fine. :) I suck at relations)

Michelle said...

Hahaha, Jen you are AWESOME!
Seriously, I love it. You are an outgoing, kind, generous and fun-loving friend and if this isn't a great way to get to know you, I don't know what is. You prove my point about blogging: you open yourself up, share your inner-most feelings and share it with all of us so that we may experience a bit of your adventures with you. This is all part of it. Lets face it: its hard to meet new friends in new places. Of course you were excited to meet someone you could bond with - who wouldn't be? I don't see anything bad or embarassing about anything you wrote, the "stalkerish" references were all made in jest. She may not get that at first, but it is your sense of humor and its damn funny. Be proud of your feelings and your willingness to share them - if she's really a friend she'll see the humor and like someone before me said, she'll likely be touched.
M.

Anonymous said...

oh my god, i so love your blog

but hard to say how you should solve this, hope you find a good solution for his and it resolves in a easy way

DrRyan said...

Just give her the link. Don't delete anything. I agree with Michelle. If she has any sense of humour, she will give it a laugh and appreciate your honesty and generosity. Your friendship will probably grow.

Consider it a test of her ability to appreciate sides of you that she hasn't discovered yet.

Then again, all said under the assumption that you really want to "let her in".

Rebecca said...

I remember reading some of the posts regarding your new friend and it didn't seem that bad to me, either. I'm not a Swede tho', but it's not like you named names and made her out to be a centerfold or something perverted :p. If it were me and I read it, I'd probably feel kind of odd but I feel odd even when my friends write about me on their blog without using my name, and I know about before hand. lol!
Maybe just let her know in person what you said and why you said it. I think at this point in your friendship - you shouldn't cover up anything or "lie". If she winds up having that much of a problem with it, don't look at it as losing a friend - but rather life's way of saying she doesn't belong in yours and the reasons for your friendship have concluded.
If she doesn't have a problem - look at the gigantic ice-breaker you've provided! :D I've had a Swedish e-pal for like 8 years now and in some ways I STILL don't know him but that's okay because he still doesn't quite know me.
We change with time and time is irrelevant. There's reasons and seasons. Can't say lifetime, since life hasn't concluded yet!

Hyacynth said...

OK, I'm really sorry you're in this dileama, but ohmygoodness, you just made me giggle so hard I snorted.
Just tell her the truth. It's too hard to cover tracks over and over and over. She'll love you [almost] as much as we do. :)

SwedishJenn said...

Hi Club! Thanks so much for all the advice and encouragement. You guys all ROCK. So my plan is this: Throw caution and my urhmmm...image...to the wind. I'll send her the link, with baited breath and a carefully scripted warning, keep my fingers crossed and pray she doesn't run screaming. But she's pretty damn funny herself so the odds are in my favour. The countdown is on folks.

The neighbour friend said...

Hello stalker & friends of Jen!

This is Ms. Uppsala, the "tiny little ball of blonde fun" writing...!

First of all - Jen, you're great! It struck me that I haven't seen you since our last "suicidewalk" and now I know why... You've been avoiding me!!! You can now stop the praying - I'm staying!

I'm not running away screeming... The only one who is going to run around screeming in the nearest future is you Jen! I believe (after reading your blog) that the best way of punishing you (for even thinking that I would think less of you or that I would be upset) is to take the suicidewalks to a HIGHER level - starting tonight =)Bahahaha!

I love having you next door! When you get to know me even better you will learn that it takes more than a blog to scare me away...

After sending me the adress and the readinginstructions I was expecting the worse... I started to read and then I started to laugh, and laugh, and laugh! You're a great writer and I'm taking it as I compliment that you (sooooooooooo badly) want to be my friend!

If it had been the other way around, if I would have moved in next to you in Canada, I know that you would have given me the same chance...

So, keep on bringing your smiling face, your crazy talk and more cakes over to my place!

Love
"The peppy Swedish blonde"
PS. Bikini body, beach 2010 - we'll get there DS.

septembermom said...

I had to scroll down to read this post. Love how everything worked out great!

LostInTraslation...Literally said...

HAHAHAAHAHA!!!

Omgg. i acutally have tears in my eyes!! hahahaaha!! oh dear god!! hahahaah I've been there jen * pats back* .. Ohh ho ho, I've been there. i totally know what you mean and what you are going through LOL!!!!

This made me laugh SO HARD I can't even tell you how awesome this post is!! hahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!

LostInTraslation...Literally said...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And now there's a girl at the door and she wants in. And this is the kind of girl all the boys would want to let in (and girls too!) but she could discover the porn collection hidden under the old filthy mattress.~~~~~~~~~~

Freaking BRILLIANT..... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!