Dissapointed in the DITCH

Yesterday was the highlight of the Swedish Calendar Year, Midsummer Eve. We were invited to spend it with the same friends we partied with just a week ago. Remember that 40th birthday party where I found my long lost porcelain BFF? Well the tables have turned folks.

A few families gathered with their kiddies to begin the drunk fest, feasting on traditional Swedish fare: Pickled Herring, Johnsson's Delight (a potato casserole to DIE FOR), hard bread, meatballs, little cocktail weiners and a host of carb-filled delights. And that was just lunch. Oh and in between mouthfuls of goodness, you flush it down with schnapps. I can't count the variety of alcoholic beverages I consumed between the hours of 12:30 and 9:30pm. And then the troupe of us intoxicates (new word alert) proceeded to walk/bike/stumble through the woods with kids in tow to the local May Pole to continue the party with the entire neighbourhood. 45 minutes later, we all arrived with mandatory cooler of assorted alcohol, coffee and cake.

Now I don't know who believes it's a good idea to hike while drunk. But I do know who believed it was a fantabulous idea to ride a bicycle after drinking at least 5 little bottles of schnapps with a few cans of beer (after having NOT ridden a bicycle in well over 30 years), while FILMING and chatting to passer-bys. I remarked to a friend after this idiot almost ran me over, "Now THAT is an accident waiting to happen." 5,4,3,2,1...
A scream followed by...
Bicycle with the father of our children in the ditch. Laughter mixed with shock followed by a quick sprint up to the site of the devastation to watch my stumbling man proceed to rise up and brush himself off. Taking stock, we quickly observed his white pants turn crimson. Investigation showed some severe knee scrapage bordering on stitches. Moms are not-so-surprisingly inventive and we proceeded to tie together baby wipes as a makeshit turniquet bandage. Despite the knee carnage, the source of the pain actually emanated from his arm where some horrible stinging weed had taken hold and was burning his skin. Yup, he managed to fall not-so-gracefully into a killer bush whose leaves are known to burn.

His excuse was a dead bird on the trail. "But there was a DEAD BIRD!" How about drinking and bicycling and videoing all at the same time?

Scarred but slightly sobered hubby rejoined the gang and was punished by being forced to walk another few kilometers to the site. Our brigade arrived just as the music and festivities stopped. All that for almost nothing. He moaned on endlessly: "Where are the pole dancers? You promised me POLE DANCERS!" We ate cake, we drank some more and we eventually got back up to make the long trek back.

Ahhhh....sweet justice. What goes around, come around. Now it was my turn to play DISSAPOINTED spouse. Though my version is a lot less nasty as I changed his dressing and took great pleasure in squeezing half a bottle of peroxide on the wound.

We ate more, we drank more and by 9 is was time to go. I was a little fuzzy headed but otherwise not anywhere near my state from the last weekend. After all, I am a Mom first...ha! And Dad was in bed and snoring by 10:30 as I updated my facebook status and surfed soberly before calling it a day.

Did I fail to mention there is a first-person video to go along with this story? A gift from me to you. Happy Midsummer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya0dqs6bQwE

Weigh-in Wednesday: Week 3 of 10

Well, I didn't manage to escape my 1 evening of excess alcohol consumption and 1-day Carb Fest unscathed. The scales have tipped to the low 73s again. F-word. But I was not and am not deterred. I picked myself up off the bathroom floor, wiped myself down and climbed back over to my makeshift exercise mat. No wallowing over here.

And tomorrow the Midsummer celebrations begin in full-force, culminating in an all-day drunk fest on Friday. Though I think based on my last experience, I may sit this one out. And in Sweden when you sit it out you REALLY sit it out. There's no such thing as even 1 drink with a zero-tolerance drinking and driving law. And on Midsummer? You are guaranteed to get stopped by the cops and always guaranteed a breathalyzer.

There was a birthday party today. I had a morsel of cake. But just a morsel. Apart from that, the past 2 days have seen good brekkies, lunches and dinners with some apples thrown in for good measure. And a lot of butt blasting and ab crunching. Dare I say it's working? Even with the scales trying to get me down..or maybe that's up, I feel a notable difference in my tight-waisted exercise pants. Not so tight around the waist.

So I'm winning some and losing some. Next week will see my chasing the little man around the local pool every morning for the next 6 weeks and hopefully, a daily bike ride to the watering hole. Need to get a bike is all.

So there you have it folks. How are you all doing? Talk to me. Thanking you all for your continued support and encouragement. Love you all! xo

Riding the Bus

The PORCELAIN BUS that is...urghhhhhhh. If you're not familiar with that reference, Google it or read on.

Saturday night! Finally, after more than 6 long months, I get let out of the cage! Hubby and I are all set to attend a 40th birthday party celebration for a dear friend. And the care of our little guy is being entrusted to two cousins of a dear friend of ours. He couldn't be in better hands...well unless those hands were familial. So, no guilt!

We get there. We sit. I consume my first plastic glass of pink wine. Big party=Cheap wine (for the most part). From a box. But tasty cheap wine. We're meeting old friends. Making new friends. I'm hugging babies, charming grandparents, laughing at jokes. Telling jokes! I'm rocking my $200 black rocker studded tank top, black tights (yup, you read that right) and high-heeled black shoe boots. I have "Mommy, you have pretty black eyes" eyes, the hair is straight, the nails are fushia. I'm killin' it. Damn, I feel good (and I knew that I would). I'm still avoiding the chocolate cake after a plate of meat. You know when you're on your like 4th glass of cheap wine and the world is your oyster? Well at least you believe it is and you've convinced yourself everyone you meet believes you believe it and they, in turn, believe in you?

And then invincible, incredible YOU polishes off a gin mixed with some form of energy drink. And you're 33 years old. You don't MIX your drinks. But amazingly, because your rocker chick outfit is obviously hiding a tight spandex unitard with the letter "S" emblazoned on the front, you are still feeling awesome with a capital A. So you head on over to the drink table and discover a bottle of VODKA. Remember the drink you said you wanted to drink before you even got to the party cuz it was lower in carbs than the rest of the drinks? And it says "Absolut", which is not-so-code for "Absolutely!" Down the hatch she goes.

And from that point on, the rest of the evening gets fuzzier and slurier (new word alert). Auto pilot quickly turns to mayday and before you know it, Miss Energetic (which was what I was voted in high school) has her chin to her chest and is silently pleading for the party to stop bloody moving. At some point, you get escorted by your "dissapointed" husband to the back of a cab with some friends. You hear voices and people directing words at you. You.need.the.car.to.stop.moving. Relief. The friends have been dropped off somewhere and you're on your way home. Minutes now. Your hubby's phone rings. It's them. They left something in the cab. You have to turn around and GO BACK. You're dying. You want to raise any part of your body in protest but you've lost the ability to move and worse, you're afraid to open your mouth.

This is the time that can be likened to the time between asking for the epidural and when the nurse arrives with the epidural. If you know what that's like.

I managed to call the girls to let them know we would be there in 30 seconds, to be ready and to say that I was in bad shape. They left. We entered. I fell into the bathroom to hug my best inanimate object friend. I shared all of my drinks with her. Actually, I gave all of them to her. Every last drop and then some. Because I'm so nice.

I can't remember the last time her and I got together. But it was a LONG ass time ago.

So you can imagine my WAJ for Saturday night and all day Sunday, right?
Saturday night was a given.
Sunday was my pity party. Actually it was also a kid's birthday party that I managed to show up for with hubby and little man in tow. Pancakes for brekky, handfuls of candy, fruit and birthday cake for lunch and spaghetti for dinner. Exercise? ha!

But today I brushed myself off. It's all about the bounce back right?
Brekky: Egg salad
Lunch: Tuna salad + Green salad
Dinner: Weiners + Green salad
Exercise: A swift kick in the arse with the Butt Blaster and Ab work-out.

Comments: She may have been down for a day but she's back. And I feel like an idiot. 33 years old, married, mother, stepmother, pillar of the community (k, that's not true), and the next morning I wake up to find my clothes scattered around the house and a bathroom that needs cleaning and a "dissapointed husband" (like he's never been there...ha!) and spotted, somewhat embarassing, memories of my big evening out. LOL.

Some randomness and WAJ

Hubby took little man swimming this weekend, some daddy and son time away from Mom. I got caught up on work and they splished and splashed. As hubby finished shimmying little man's head through his shirt hole, little man looked up at him and stated, "Daddy, you're a nice boy." Then he gave him a big hug. Hubby welled up recounting this heartwarming exchange to me later that day.

Little man and I were in the park the other day making sand shapes in the box when a neighbour boy the same age arrived with his Farmor (Father's Mother, a.k.a Grandma) and little sister. While he went to shoot hoops (his Dad happens to be the coach for the men's bball team here in Uppsala), little man went about his business of stomping on my sand critters. After a few minutes, I asked him, "Why don't you go over and see if Pontus wants to hop on the trampoline?" He looked over at him, then at me and replied, "Mommy, he doesn't like to talk." Alrighty then.

Evidence that I rarely wear make-up: "Mommy, your eyes are black and pretty." Thanks.

"Mommy, what's an iganimation?"

Hubby took the train to Gothenburg (Göteborg) Tuesday night as he had meetings there on Wednesday. As he made his way down the aisle to his seat on the train home, he noticed a woman was having a terrible time with her seat. He stopped to help her fix it and continued on his merry way, famished.  After back to back meetings, he didn't have time for lunch so decided to pick up a sandwich, some wine and a chocolate bar in the food car. As he went to pay with his debit card, the cashier informed him that "Sorry sir, we only take Visa or cash" (of which he had neither). He pointed out that he could pay with a debit card on the train for a ticket if he wanted to but he realized there was nothing she could do about it so embarassed, he returned everything from where he got it and went back to his seat.

A few minutes later, a woman appeared next to his chair. It was the same woman who had been sitting next to the woman whose chair he helped fix. She handed him a cinnamon bun and a can of coke and said, "Please don't say anything. I felt bad for you. You seem like a gentleman. Please take this. I'm sorry it's not wine though." My husband, clearly humbled, said "Thank you." She left abruptly. He saved that can of coke. It's sitting on his desk upstairs.

About once every 6 months, I buy a baggie of hair ties. At the end of these 6 months, the only one left has expanded to the size of a saucer, eventually snaps under the weight of my hair mass and I end up with pencils in my head until I go searching through the house for an old one. Which I never find. Then I buy another baggie and start the over.

On a related note, I have big feet. Size 10 or 40 or however you're measuring. I do not dig ditches for a living or run 5k everyday. In fact, I spend the majority of my days on my ass. Yet, somehow, I'm sitting on said ass with my feet up and hubby exclaims, "How the hell is there a hole in your sock that stretches from your big toe to your ankle? And how the hell do you not notice it?"

On a related note, don't any of you wonder what it is I do for a living? Was thinking about this the other day. How I don't think I ever actually TOLD any of you. Well maybe I did, sorta. I'm not keeping it from you. It's not like I'm running a drug ring or a porn site. I'm "a writer". Not THAT kind of writer (cue a post from Mon on this subject). I'm a copywriter. Actually, I'm more than that. I'm a PR/Marketing guru. I just like the copywriting part best. I can't count the number of websites, press releases, brochures, business plans, ads, speeches, EMAILS, etc. I've written in these past 13 years. Mainly high-tech stuff but have dabbled in lots of other stuff. If you're selling it, I'm writing it.

On a completely UNRELATED note, 2 more sleeps till the big royal wedding here in Sweden. Crown Princess Victoria (she's beautiful, but did you expect anything less?) is marrying some Daniel dude. It's a HUGE deal. Can't wait to tune in on Saturday as I won't be making the trek to the big city for the mayhem.

Speaking of Swedes, I get such a kick out of them when it's Sunny and Warm. They will plunk themselves down by the river...river bed, hunk of concrete, park bench, and suntan away. Or they lean up against buildings with their faces to the sun. Or they grab a beach chair/blanket, find a field (proximity to water not important), strip down to their skivvies and bake. I guess it's because fine weather is a rare occurance in these parts. Not sure. But where I'm from, suntanning is reserved for the beach or poolside. And the water needs to be water one can safely swim in.

Wednesday/Thursday WAJ
Brekky: Egg salad/Apple
Lunch: Tuna salad/Some grocery store bought salad with garlic dressing and hardboiled egg
Dinner: The absolute worst store bought hamburgers EVER (I had to throw the last one out)/Kebab + salad
Exercise: None on Wednesday night because I had a conference call at 8:00pm and hubby arrived home from a night away in Gothenburg (but for the record, I knew I wouldn't be able to and I was bummed about it / Butt Blaster, Ab workout and OUCH!!!
Comments: 72.6.....c'mon ME!

Weigh-in Wednesday: Week 2 of 10

Can I get a "woo-hoo"? I did it. I stepped on the scale this morning and I cracked it. Not the scale but the 73...officially into 72 territory now. And "officially" means not 72.9 or 72.8 but 72.7. And I'll take it!

And I have the WAJs and all of you to thank! This week, my goal will be to crack the 72.5, inching closer to a steady 72. This exercise thing has been a pain in the ass. Literally. You try that Butt Blaster workout. I triple dog dare ya! With a total of about 20 minutes of ass and belly exercises a day for the past 8 days, I can see already that I'm less winded, less sweaty and a little less jiggly. So I need to add on some leg exercises and will be cruising sparkpeople.com for a short leg workout. These short burst workouts really work for me because I have a short attention span to begin with.

The upcoming weekend brings two things: 1. My first time out alone with hubby in God knows how long (well, since Christmas anyway) and 2. For a big birthday bash for a friend of ours turning the big 4-0. I am sooo excited (I know, kinda sad eh?) and equally petrified. There will lots of food and lots of booze. And when I start drinking, I start eating. I am going to program myself to only reach for MEAT but because this is a monumental occasion, I WILL be having some drinks. Need your help on this one though. Calling all Swedes: In Canada, they have low-carb coolers or at least they did five years ago. Do they have them here? And if not, what type of booze do you recommend for the low-carb committed me?

You'll notice we're at Week 2 of 10. Week 10 is August 11, exactly one week before I'm headed to Montenegro and the day I plan to pick up the season's first bikini. E-Gads! Will you see my hot bod plastered on a billboard near you at that time? But you will see my "she looks good for 33" body on this blog. The one with the little pouch at the front, a bit of cellulite at the back and two deflated balloons up top. Finished off with the white topping that is my skin. Nothing a little surgery won't fix. Kidding. Or not. ha!

Anyway, thanks again everyone for sharing your successes and struggles and for cheering me on. I know it's a little early to get THIS excited but damn it, I'm proud of me for the exercise part at least!

Mon/Tues WAJ

Mood: Surviving
Food:
Brekky: Leftover meatballs/Egg salad
Lunch: Leftover meatballs/Tuna salad
Supper: Fried Baloney + green salad (my favourite, seriously and no I don't care how it's made and no, I don't spell it "balogna")/Greek salad with tuna (cuz I forgot to defrost some meat)
Snacks: Apple/Apple + 1/4 of a Dora the Explorer cookie + a teaspoon (ok a tablespoon) of Peanut Butter
Fitness:
Butt Blaster and 15-minute ab work-out x 2! Need to find a leg exercise session to round these out though. Get rid of the inner thigh flab...

Comments: Truth be told, it's been a week + 1 day since my commitment and I ain't feelin' much skinnier. I think the culprit might be the mystery meat I've been consuming + the sauces. But other than that, I've been pretty much stickin' to it. Wish me luck for weigh-in tomorrow. Please, please,please let me head into 72ish territory...P.L.E.A.S.E!

Weekend WAJs

Mood: Overwhelmed but committed
Did not forget about you guys or my commitment to US. Just been a crazy, busy weekend trying to juggle little man with an obscene amount of work. I stuck to my diet, well sorta. See, I didn't cheat necessarily but I think I'm consuming more carbs than I should be. Just because I'm forgoing the flour wrap on the chicken fajitas, I'm still having a bit of taco sauce and sour cream (each with very few carbs) but throw in cheese, lettuce, tomato and fried peppers and it's likely a bit too much (for the early phase of Atkins anyway). And hot dogs for lunch...well that's about 6 grams of carbs or a bit more, so although I'm having no bun, if I have salmon with salad and some homemade sour cream/mayo kind sauce, well a bit too many carbs there too.

Seriously though, not a single morsel of the bad stuff...just need to pay more attention to the good stuff is all. I haven't weighed myself in awhile because even with the exercise, I'm not feeling any lighter. So I'd like to wait until this Wednesday to see if I need to make any changes to the regime.

Since I last checked in, I only skipped one night of exercise, which was last night. But I got back at the YouTube vids tonight. I'm feeling good folks. Though I will keep track every weekday, from Mon-Fri, I will only post WAJs twice/week (with all days) so as not to overwhelm my blog with them.

Love, Jenn xo